Are you a villain who crossed Celestia? Did you do something so untoward that you left Equestria in shame? Did you escape Equestria in order to conquer a new realm? If you know what the heck I'm talking about, then you just might be the type of person who could benefit from these simple guidelines for living in the human world.
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| Don't destroy your only means of escape should things turn sour. |
- Don't walk on all fours. The human body can do this, but it is very inefficient, and you'll find that your hands are quite useful tools. Especially for things like eating, and throwing rocks. You'll look ridiculous crawling everywhere, and your identity as a pony may be revealed.
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| Also, people can look up your skirt. |
- Always wear clothes. You are used to having no reason to wear clothes beyond special occasions. That doesn't work any more. Humans have a tendency to be ashamed of their bodies, so they hide them. However; many cultures prize modesty, and not all of them are ashamed of their bodies. Many see it as a means of not attracting attention, as vanity is considered unseemly. Clothes also provide a good amount of protection in poor weather conditions. You are no longer equine in form, even if you are in spirit, so you don't have a beautiful natural fur coat to protect yourself. As you are aware, though, clothes can provide an outlet for self-expression. Just be aware of the right outfits so you don't look bad.
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| Off the rack works just as well, and costs less. |
- In addition to clothes, you need shoes. Human feet are soft, and not covered in a natural material that is impervious to many dangers. However, you probably noticed that when you stepped on a large twig the first time. Instead, you've probably seen that humans have completely pointless protrusions on the tips of their toes, and fingers (those things where your hooves used to be). These need trimmed regularly, so that they don't break and become infected. They can be decorated. They are also great weapons in the inevitable fight you have with a backstabbing former friend.
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| Though fists are useful as well. |
- You can't talk to horses or ponies. They aren't sapient as you are. They are very similar to what you once were, but if you try to engage one in conversation, it will likely try to nibble your hair. But, they aren't stupid. Horses are some of the smartest creatures on Earth. Treat them well, and you'll be treated well in return. As long as it has been trained properly.
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| No matter how much you'd like it to, this horse won't talk to you. |
- Don't eat flowers. Many species of flowers are edible, but it generally isn't considered proper to eat them. You still have a wide range of dietary options. vegetables are available, as are fruits. Meat is digestible by your new body, but if you feel uncomfortable eating an animal that may have been a neighbor in Equestria, that's understandable. But remember, meat is delicious.
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| You'll enjoy many new foods you once called friends. |
- Ease yourself into technology. There are many technologies you are already familiar with, but many you aren't. Start with television, and move on to nanotechnology. Then go to the internet so you can read this advice. Smart phones might be confusing, but you'll be addicted to Twitter soon enough.
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| Don't let this be you. |
- Magic doesn't work here. If you're a unicorn, or were, you'll find it harder to shoot laser beams from your forehead. Get a gun instead. A simple 9mm should be enough to counter those existential threats. And I have disappointing news for the pegasi: you'll have to rely on airlines to fly you around now. Earth ponies should be able to cope. They can put their skills to good use on a farm. If you were once a sea monster who lured sailor ponies to their doom with your voice, you'll find that more difficult to do, but not impossible. That may be frowned upon though.
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| This scares the s*** out of people. Don't do this. |
More questions will probably arise as you find yourself acclimating to a new life. We're always here to help. Just don't nibble our hair.
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